shapeshifting for love.
*transformer noises*
Here’s the scenario.
You like them. A lot. Some say a bit too much but you could care less.
It was basically love at first sight when you first locked eyes.
It’s been a while, give or take 4 months into your state of limerence.
Or attraction, obsession, infatuation, fixation, whatever it is.
You stalk their reposts, scan through their social media or if nada, interrogate ask their friends about them.
Who they are, what they like, who they like.
Shit. You find out that you’re the polar opposite of their type (maybe on some aspects).
You’re fair-skinned but they prefer tanned.
You have wavy hair but they prefer straight.
You’re more into music, they’re more into sports.
You’re shy, they’re into noise.
You’re prefer overachieving, they find those people overbearing.
Then the spiraling starts.
Maybe it’s fueled by the discovery, maybe it’s fueled to fix something you’re lacking.
You change nearly every aspect of yourself just to find your answer.
But is it worth it?
Are you still you?
Underneath all the hair dye, contacts, new clothes, new equipment, fresh jewelry, the new you, is your old self still inside?
Or are you letting it rot for the sake of reciprocity?
It better be worth it.
Why do some people change who they are for who they love?
Of course, not all changes are bad.
Like vices or a trait you find displeasing.
But everything about yourself?
For what, the 50/50 chance that the pair of eyes you fell in love with will do the same?
Well, that’s probably the case.
I thought about it long and hard with The Thinker’s exact same pose and connected it to the most obvious reasons.
Fear of abandonment
Low self-esteem
Limerence! (In layman’s terms, the obsession for the person, the idea and reciprocity)
In return for the reciprocity however, the price is you.
Your soul, your beliefs, your person.
You.
I’m on the firm belief that the right person for someone is a person who loves them for who they are. Flaws and all.
Yes they can improve on some, others they might be stubborn on changing, but the whole essence of how they have grown would remain untouched, untapped, unharmed.
They wouldn’t feel the need to drastically change just for them to be loved back.
Because that person already does.
Love will never not be complex.
But the kind of love you feel when someone loves you for you is undeniably beautiful and willfully accepted by your mind and heart even before you let it so.
However if you do or have relate(d) to the three main reasons, it’s okay.
Everyone faces insecurity, fear, limerence.
But what’s important to know is that if you feel you must change everything about you for someone else, then they’ll love the version of yourself that you portray to them.
Not the raw and authentic version.
The one your best friend loves hanging out and exchanging stories with.
The one your brother or sister play and share laughter with,
The one your parents are proud of and love unconditionally.
The one your grandparents constantly pray over and over-feed.
In the end, shapeshifting for love doesn't only apply to relationships.
It applies everywhere, with everyone.
You feel the need to fit in and be liked when as a result, you lose your sense of self.
And that’s the scariest thing in the world.
So learn to love yourself, accept yourself, flourish the flower you are.
And one day you’ll be in a world where you’re loved for you. No one else. :)
"I’m on the firm belief that the right person for someone is a person who loves them for who they are. Flaws and all."
I totally agree. Being able to show up as yourself and be accepted as you are actually sets the foundation for security and continued personal growth.
Lovely piece!